Yesterday I continued with my five stones of marriage. I spent about ten minutes talking about some deep needs of men and women. Check out the video HERE.
We are Different…
This is perfectly normal. No one should have to think this is wrong. No one needs to apologize. No one has to take on the others role if they don’t want to.
More open dialogue is needed for men and women to understand each other. To know what each other really needs to feel needed, validated, and pursued.
I’ll will readily admit I have failed many ladies in my time by being closed off and sometimes unavailable. I did not let a lot of people close because of trust issues or being scared or afraid of being hurt.
One thing in common…
Men and women both fear. Not the same thing necessarily but the fear I think keeps us from connecting on a deeper level. Well, that and the societal expectation that men need to be stoic, free of emotion, and certainly don’t let anyone see you cry.
Men, please realize you can open up and it doesn’t mean you have to ugly cry for things to be meaningful between you and your lady.
My church had a couples event recently that talked about how these fears create a continually negative cycle. Not only that, most of the stuff we argue about is quite ridiculous. It is not really about who needs to take out the trash or do the dishes. Those are safe problems. Those things mask the real issues.
Arguments stem from needs not being met. For women it is typically a need to feel safe. It is typically achieved by, believe it or not, just talking to them. About anything. Nothing that has to be deep or philosophical. Luckily, most of the time men just need to listen.
Now for men. We’re simple. We fear inadequacy. We want to know we are up for the task. That we have what it takes to get the job done. And that includes in the bedroom. Ladies if you don’t have sex with us we start thinking there is a problem. We feel inadequate. And I think I speak for most me on this one. We feel more connected through sex. It is just part of who we are.
I make no apologies for it.